Open letter

Return address Mexico

In another life the world ended right there in bed when I was grabbing your ribs and trying to memorize your heartbeat one last time and I still have that beaded bird you gave me from Mexico hung up by my bed I wish I went with you maybe in Mexico I could’ve watched you dance maybe in Mexico I could’ve smelled your hair maybe in Mexico but I was in the void I was in the sky I was in your head was I? Or was she? Neither of us knew I think oh yes I still talk to her she dyed her hair brown did you know? Of course you know. She dyed her hair brown and then bleached it again and then dyed it again in that time I had 50 hair colors and 50 names and one of them was you not yours no not yours it was you my name is you I think maybe in Mexico we could have joined once and for all so later we could really separate but now we’re just stuck halfway together forever in limbo back in the void I go are you coming? Do you want to come? I wanted to come with you I wanted to see you sing up on that stage and cheer for you but I’m still sitting silent in the back of the crowd trying to sear my eyes into your forehead why are my eyes blue and yours brown? You’re too warm on the outside on the inside I think there’s nothing there’s nothing on the inside of me but at least I know that at least I admit it you fucker I hate you I hate you I wish I went to Mexico I wish you loved me I wish my eyes were brown I wish the world ended right there in bed when I was grabbing your ribs and trying to memorize your heartbeat one last time stop it